When you lose someone you love, you move around in daze for awhile. You know the people that you care about are around you, there for you, but everything else is like white noise.
Like, “It will get easier.”
Or, “As you get older, it will hurt less.”
And while these words were said with the best intentions, or with the hope they would come true, they were hard to hear. And as time passes, I often wonder what’s wrong with me that it’s not getting easier; that it doesn’t actually hurt less, but maybe even hurts more so.
Well, there’s obviously nothing wrong with me.
Well, at least not in this respect, smart alec.
Things are different, though not easier. And I suppose that’s okay.
Because there is some other advice that stuck, too. The kind of good advice that still makes you cry a bit. Happy/sad tears, though.
“No matter where you go, she’ll be with you because she’s forever in your heart.”
So all the places I’ve been this trip, I’ve had reminders everywhere.
Seeing these reminders puts a smile on face. And sometimes, there are a few tears with that smile; but it helps me remember I’m not alone. I’ve got friends and family all over the place that I can still hug and I see flowers blooming everywhere that carry her memory.
It’s certainly not the same, but it’s something.